Many people want to “save” or “rescue” others from their mental illnesses. Unfortunately, no matter how much you may wish for someone to get better or just be different, you can’t make them do that. You can’t force anyone to do anything, even if you feel it’s in their best interest. It’s both immoral and impossible.

What you CAN do, however, is concrete actions to make their lives a little easier. (Having less stress in one’s life overall often leads to improved mental health.)

It may help to imagine that the person you want to help has the flu. They don’t need you to panic, but they probably feel awful and could use a little assistance. Maybe you could cook them a meal that they can reheat, or you could make a dent in the dishes piling up in their sink, or you could take their kids to the park to give them some time to recuperate. In particular, you could help make therapist/doctor visits easier (give them a ride if they need one?) or set up systems to help them remember to take their pills (if that’s a problem).

Note: It may be tempting to give someone a listening ear. This can be VERY helpful, but only if you’re genuinely not trying to save or rescue them. Focus on the practical things you can do to help rather than trying to insist that someone confide in you. If they want to talk to you, they will.

Remember to ask for consent before attempting to help (make sure to respect a “no!”) and also maintain your own boundaries. “You cannot pour from an empty cup,” and trying to take on more than you can handle will harm you as well as the person you’re trying to help.