Something paraphrased from a book I’m reading (Lies We Tell Ourselves by Jon Frederickson), mixed with my own thoughts:

You can always lie to other people. There are many completely valid reasons to do so. Maybe you’re trying to be diplomatic, or you’re just not ready to tell the truth. Yes, it can cause interpersonal issues and it’s not usually the best choice morally either, but the option is always there in an emergency.

However, what REALLY creates problems in your psyche and messes you up is LYING TO YOURSELF. If you get in this habit (and most of us do) you can lose touch with yourself and your needs entirely. It’s impossible to be authentic to yourself and to other people when you don’t even know what your inner truth really is. Being yourself is so important because it’s who you are neurologically, psychologically, and socially wired to be. Basically, it’s impossible to be happy and functional if you’re denying your own reality and gaslighting yourself.

I’ve noticed that when I think I don’t know how I’m feeling or what’s “wrong” with me, I’m usually lying to myself about knowing the answer. Maybe I’m hungry even though I just ate two hours ago, so I feel like I “shouldn’t” be. Maybe I’m missing someone who I know is kind of awful. Instead of being in denial about how I feel, I’ve been working on being honest with myself. If you catch yourself in a lie to yourself, remember to be gentle and curious when you’re investigating and sussing out the truth.

Also, remember that you don’t have to act on every whim, even when you’re admitting them to yourself. You don’t HAVE to text your ex just because you want to. You don’t HAVE to eat M&Ms until you throw up. Just admit to yourself that you want to and see if some problem-solving is in order. (Can you text your best friend instead? Can you have just a handful of candy? What is the smart choice, knowing what you know about what you really want?)

Put on a fake smile if you need to, but don’t mistake that for true happiness.