While I have been a proponent of the related Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for years, I always scorned Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). The basic premise of CBT is that thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all related and interdependent. It’s very hard to change your feelings directly, so instead, practitioners of CBT focus on changing thoughts and behaviors. Those things can, in turn, influence and ideally clear up unpleasant and unhelpful feelings. For example, if you feel like a failure, it may help you to think “I have achieved so much” and behave in ways that challenge you to achieve even more.

At its worst, CBT is a demand to “just think and behave differently,” as if it is that easy. When thought replacement and Behavior Activation are the only focus of a professional who thinks they understand CBT, the entire process can feel invalidating, unhelpful, and victim-blaming. This was my experience of CBT until very recently— I felt that since I have an extreme need for validation, CBT was my worst enemy.

Recently, however, I gave CBT another try, and guess what? It worked— immediately. The key is that this time around I am validating my feelings before I restructure them. For example, “It’s hard to feel like a failure, but I have achieved lots of things and can do this!”

Here’s a link to a short online course you can take to introduce yourself to CBT: https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbt-self-help-course-step-1/